So it turns out that I'm only 235 lbs! That's a lot less that I had thought I was, and it just seems to get smaller as I continue with this South Beach diet. I'll take new measurements on the 25th, which will be a whol week from when I started. I've decided to extend Phase 1 of the SB diet (no sugar, fruits, startch) for a month, rather than just 2 weeks since I've got a lot of weight to lose. The cool thing about this diet is that you can eat often, encouraging you to eat before you're hungry (since it takes less food to satisfy you before you're empty) and man do I get to eat a lot of cheese. Normally, I adore cheese, but now that I'm snacking on it 3 or 4 times a day, boy is it starting to lose it's appeal. That's ok though. I still love motzerella (skim of course).

My playstation2 is working weird, so it's hard to get any DDR in, but I went to the movies yesterday and felt really good up there. Usually when I play after not playing for a long time, it's really hard and simple songs kick my butt, but last night it really felt like I was dancing. I loved it. Weight and health issues aside, just the fact it makes DDR feel better is enough reason to say good bye to the toast and icecream and pineapples. 

The first and second day of starting the diet, it was really hard to control my cravings, specialy since there's a lot of really delicious bread and fruits around me right now. x.x; But today's been cake. Well, not ccake, just easy. I'm looking forward very very very much to this new semester in college, because it means that I have a lot of excersize options open too. There's a gym (whenever I scrape together $45 to join for the semester.), and also ballroom dancing and Zumba classes at our student union! There's lots of space for me to run too, to try out my cool nike+ shoes whenever I can get around to buying the chip for it. 

I just feel better in general, I guess. For a while there, I didn't feel important or noiced becuase in a lot of ways I had little control over my own self. I wouldn't manage my time, or what I eat. Gaining this control is just..it's just what I needed mentaly, emotionaly and physicaly. By September 18th, I want to be 220. Or less. Perferably less. 

Ok, so today is 8/18/08. I am 260-ish pounds. My mesaurements for my three problem areas are 53 (front butt), 46 (stomach), and 18 (upper arms). I've started the South Beach diet and have a workout thing from Nike+. Got Nike+ shoes, still need the chips though. I'm going to keep a food diary starting tomorrow.

So.. let's take a look at a few things. 
I am quickly losing feeling in my feet and now in my finger tips. It could be a sign of diabetes. 
My BMI is 43. 29+ is obese.
130 is a healthy weight for my height. I'm twice that.
I haven't had a guy interested in me in the slightest in years. Most don't really think of me at all after I leave.
I have a very small wardrobe of clothes that do nothing to express me. They don't make those types of clothes in my size.
The floors and stairs make far too much noise when I walk by.
My mom and every female in my family wear many sizes smaller than me.
If you cut open my skin, my front butt alone would be well over a yard and a half.
I feel unimportant and unnoticed most of the time.
I have a great personality, pretty face, great hair...huge body.
Size 20 is just too big. I never wanna be more than that ever in my life.
I have three rolls on my back that make any type of bra other than sports bra too uncomfortable.
My front butt comes out as far as my boobs and I can hide the majority of my hand under it.
It hurts to keep my back striaght becuase of all the weight of the fat on it.

So yea. Inner beauty is good and all, but it only goes so far, really. That sounds all kinds of shallow but I can tell you it's true. And I love God, and treasure Him, and know that He loves me. I love me too, but sometimes it's just not enough. I need some sort of...attention. Affection. Acknowledgement.